Is Being Positive The New Negative?
What do you do when you’re in a stew?
When the tough stuff is getting tougher and you can’t see the wood for the trees?
Think Positive!
That’s the standard modern day escape route advice. Be positive, don’t let it bother you and focus on good thoughts.
Soon you will feel better and you can rise above all the dross.
Think positive, be positive, and, rest assured, it will all turn out positive in the end.
All well and good but could being positive actually be bad for you?
Is following the positive path a cul-de-sac for self-confidence and good problem solving?
Could it be negative in disguise?
Well I think the answer is fast becoming,’Yes!’ And here’s why.
There’s only positive
When troubles come to call and life is one big anxiety attack, human nature and it’s inner self protecting genetics wants to kick in and look for a way out. A door way marked ‘Exit’. The safest and quickest get out. The survival-at-all-costs direction. This inate response ensures the future of the human race; a response we all carry individually.
Thus, when you personally are hemmed in, pressured or under the cosh, offering a positive antedote is most welcome
a) Because it’s an opportunity to distance yourself away from a difficult issue
b) It includes the word ‘positive’ which always feels like a good option and
c) It gets sorted pretty quickly with no drawn out sagas to fend off
What’s wrong with that then? Fairly sensible stuff you would think? Not automatically so!
Issues not tissues
Should a trying incident or time arise in your life it’s logical to want to move away from it. Head towards more solid ground. A place with more lighter space. Where the tears gradually stop and the tissues no longer needed in such droves.
But stop for a second before you make a run for it
- Maybe the issue is what you’ve never faced….and now you’re running away again
- Perhaps the problem is one you are quite capable of sorting but you’ll never discover those skills because you’re hotfooting it off to positive land
- By standing your ground and tackling things you will change your life amazingly for the better so that little gets the better of you again
- You can change the habits of a lifetime
- You will show others what you are made of garnering respect and admiration
- Challenges become mere calls to personal action
The new negative
Being positive is becoming the new negative. Too many of us are opting for a simplified approach to a problem by switching the perspective and not dealing with the root cause. Like resting a damaged back believing that, as the pain lessens, the condition will have gone away or calmed down. Or downing pints of coffee to keep us awake because we’ve been working long hours and we’re exhausted. We’re good at that; ignoring the cause by curing a symptom.
If you have enough stresses that you’re tempted to ‘think positive’ so that you can leave them behind and live in another day…..don’t do it! Life, the Universe, call it what you will, is actually knocking on your door asking you to…
- Stand up and be counted
- Show your true colours
- Solve long standing short comings
- Develop back bone and tenacity
- Remedy things today not hope for tomorrow
- Actually do something, take control
- Know that right now you ARE enough to handle anything thrown at you
The positive is in the negative
What is classed as negative is merely masquerading as a darker shade of positive. Situations to befriend and beat and not neccessarily your so called inner demons haunting you. The famous life long inner buried issues that constantly well up and show themselves, bursting out every so often.
In the negative is a positive call to be the person you are. To champion the champion in you. To not just simply think and paint pretty pictures in your mind, say long winded affirmations or recite daily mantras, but to actually do something. To face your dire straits and straighten them once and for all. To see the positive in the mirror that is the negative.
The best things that could often ever happen to you. Just as I did when I chose to take my own life on New Year’s Eve 1999. I didn’t. I faced myself. I saw something there. Something good in all that seemed bad. The good that has now become great. Or the great that was always there but finally got recognised. Like the great in you even if today it appears negative.
Every problem has a gift for you in its hands
Author, Richard Bach
What do you think? Is thinking positively always the answer? Or agree that perhaps the negative isn’t quite so bad? I’d love to hear your views so please drop me a comment.
Picture Image courtesy of Daniel Wehner
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Great article. It’s so easy to hide behind being “positive” when you really should be calling people on their BS and not be run over. “The New Negative” bullet points are right on target!
Hi Jovan, I think it’s our own hassles we need to notice before anyone else’s. Or better still deal just with our problems only which is a message to others to do the same. Thus the positive is in the doing not the believing.
Hi John,
I think being a Pollyanna and thinking everything is positive is just B.S.
All of our experiences, good and bad, are there to teach us something. If you are trying to wish away or ‘just think good thoughts’ and hoping things will turn around to be positive, then you are fooling yourself.
I’m glad that you made the right choice back in 1999. I actually remember that January as it was a turning point in my life, too.
Karen
Karen, you speak wise sentiments. The time of the bubble gum, everything is great and meant-to-be-as-it-is phase is over. Time to tackle problems and release a whole new can-do attitude. Bless you for your words about 1999 – a good decision I think I took and glad you turned the corner too as otherwise I would have missed out on all your great words and brilliant blog!!!
Hi John,
I like the “New Negative” concept. I’ve personally seen positive thinking be the demise of a couple business ventures. We always have to pay attention to the Ruthless Rules of Reality. We are always getting, Green, Yellow and Red lights from the universe. Sometimes positive thinkers drive straight through the Red lights… you can guess the result.
Hey Rob love that traffic light analogy – and it’s quite an observation too! But of course a problem or challenge may look like a red light when it’s a green for go…. as in ‘go sort it out once and for all’.
This is a powerful insight John the more so because it dares to dispute what has been a mantra for a lot of people.
My wife likes to say that the best time to face up to something is always right now, it’s never going to get any easier…
I want to give support to this call for true courage, being willing to take on whatever is in our face. Not in some realm of imagination,seeing ourselves as a ‘conquering hero,’ — but in the willingness to simply be present, willing to feel the pain and not budge. Your own life story shows the power of this approach.
Every good wish.
Good point Christopher but a much used mantra may not be a much truthful one. People tend to take things as read seeing everything as either black or white. It’s never quite that way. I wonder what other mantras can be challenged this way? Any ideas????
Love this–I get so sick of this cultural obsession with positivity. You know that saying about how we should see the glass as half full? I figure the author lacked appreciation for emptiness.
Hi Adena, it does seem a strange analogy of half full or half empty – either good or bad and only 2 choices. Life is rubbish at times but that rubbish can help create a better time ahead without the need for bubble gum positivity.
John
This is a very interesting take on being positive. I think the question it raises for me is “I wonder what your definition of being positive is?”
For me their is no hiding place in being positive. My personal mantra is – I am the cause and the solution.
For me being positive is not Pollyanna thinking – it is realistic thinking. I don’t buy into “I have an exam tomorrow, I have a positive attitude towards it, therefore I will pass it – although I have not done any work”
I would say that positive thinking is about not only thinking and being – it is about taking action. It is about finding solutions and inner strengths.
I would say that thinking negatively provides a hiding place – I can’t do it so why bother. You see I would say that on New Years Eve 1999 you really discovered what being positive is all about – taking the bad and the difficult and finding a way through it. What could be more positive than that?
But hey this is only how I see the world!
Kind of agree Marion, though there is no positive and negative to me just ongoing stuff like weather is (some days sunny, others cloudy; it’s what we do about it or approach it). Things like weather just ‘are’. Deal with them and a better day will be ahead.
i couldn’t agree more
that’s what i have been trying to preach through my website too
if positive thinking is used to cover real problems then the problems will never get solved
thank u for writing this post!
Bless you Farouk – positivity is useful for the most trying circumstances but all other hassles can be approached via actually tackling them so they aren’t hassles anymore. And I agree 100% with you when you say problems won’t be solved if we cover them up with positivity(what we English call the stiff upper lip!). Problems are problems until they are sorted.
Interesting post John. I consider myself a Pollyanna- been accused of it often. But I have an extremely heathly sense of skepticism from battling my own demons in my life. When I am faced with an issue or a difficult situation, I don’t pull the blinders on and start singing “it’ll all be ok” in my head. I roll up my sleeves and dive in- looking for the best case scenario outcome. Sometimes that happens, sometimes it doesn’t. That’s how life rolls, and boy have I learned A LOT when things have gone horribly awry.
However, despite all of that, I’d prefer to wake up each day and not immediately think “today is going to be awful”. Have you checked out your friends facebook statuses lately? If they are like mine, a good 25% have nothing but negative things to say all the time. That can’t be healthy either. My positive attitude propels me towards actions that are going to get me where I want to go in life, and it’s a bit addicting to be honest.
This isn’t a black and white issue. I think a healthly balance is key. Thanks for getting my mind buzzing!
Hey CeGe welcome to Real Simple People.
Too true that negativity abounds but only because it’s viewed and termed that way. What happens in the pitch dark when you point some light at it? So with our ‘dark’. Face it, look at it, shine some light on it and all will instantly brighten. I applaud you for having such a genial spirit and healthy determination to “dive in” to your inner pools when they become cloudy. Maybe that’s why you are a Pollyana?
I totally agree. You have to find your way to really solving the problem and what is bothering you. It is often not as easy as just saying positive affirmations. You have to really find your way to a better and healthier place and that means you need to transform the negative emotions that are surrounding a situation. As you mentioned, often times when you look at negative situations, there is something positive within them that you can learn. I think the key is not artificially covering up what is wrong, but rather finding your way to genuine transformation and that may be a step by step process.
Sibyl it’s TOO easy to say positive affirmations. It’s best to get real and deal – face up to the issue and begin sorting it out. A mantra saying, ‘I rise above all the worry and see my own perfection’ is about as use as a chocolate tea pot. It’s also unhelpful and unwise.
I write a lot about being positive… but also recognize that being “positive” can be used as a mask to hide behind and not deal with the issues. Anyone who adopts the “Fiddle dee, dee… tomorrow is another day.” attitude is not being positive, they’re being irresponsible. At the same time those who wring their hands in a constant “woe-is-me” litany tend to play the victim, blaming their troubles on others.
We need to deal with the issues that come up, but it disturbs me greatly that so many people today appear incapable of finding any good or joy in the world around them. They see only the negative in everything. Sometimes I just want to slap them! But that’s not a very positive attitude either, is it?
Fair points Allan and catch your drift. Very true that we need to deal with what comes up but we’re not a people of self-enquiry as much as we could be hence the swings from positive to negative. It’s not balance we should seek but self questioning which leads there. Great thoughts my friend.
Hi Karen. I agree w/ you totally. And I am an optimist at heart! My opinion on the negative and positive is that you need both in order to function humanely. There’s going to be times in which we experience extensive negativity, but at that time need to apply positivity in order to get out of the funk (negative energy). I think negativity serves as a purpose for self-realization (ful-fillment of personal potential)–experiencing negativity allows us to grow–as each time we experience negative experiences we can choose to become better or bitter–our choice.
I don’t disagree Marie it’s just that we tend to overload one side or the other – either too negative or citing that we should be positive whatever happens. Having an optimistic outlook but being realistic with it allows us to deal with situations that bother us rather than simply trusting all will work out well and not sorting issues out. It’s all about perspective. Great to have you along Marie, you are always welcome!
I’ve been told that I have a hard time dealing w/ reality, but as I have gotten older I have become more mature in realizing (through life’s experiences) that if you don’t handle negative situations (as positive as possible or if you prefer, humble but reasonable) they become bigger or long-lasting. And I absolutely agree, it is all about perspective! And John, what makes life much easier for me is that, things (negatives)I don’t have any control over and have tried to resolve but to no avail, I let be and move on.
Marie, after all my troubles and dark nights of the soul, I’ve realised that there is no negative just a deeper, more testing life experience. Remove negative as a label on life and you will already be moving in a brighter direction. I wish you well.
I don’t disagree Marie it’s just that we tend to overload one side or the other – either too negative or citing that we should be positive whatever happens. Having an optimistic outlook but being realistic with it allows us to deal with situations that bother us rather than simply trusting all will work out well and not sorting issues out. It’s all about perspective. Great to have you along Marie, you are always welcome!